Navigating motherhood, business, and life during a whirlwind of back-to-back pregnancies and a global pandemic taught me resilience—but it also left little room for me. Now, in a slower, more spacious chapter, I’m rediscovering who I am, savoring stillness, and learning to embrace the beauty of the in-between. Here’s what this season of “just being” is teaching me.
When I found out I was pregnant with Atlas, my firstborn, everything shifted.
I went into go mode—restructuring my business, driving up revenue, and building the kind of setup that would allow me to be fully present.
This was me, 5 months pregnant with Atlas. When I found out I was pregnant with him, I instantly invested $24k to join a year-long mastermind to help me prepare the business and this was our first in-person retreat in Nashville.
I wanted him home with me. I wanted to savor every moment, knowing those early days would fly by.
But nothing could have prepared me for what that season would require.
I was navigating motherhood without childcare, far from family, figuring out business rhythms with a baby in tow.
Hosting all of my mastermind clients in Brooklyn for our retreat with 3 month old Atlas on my lap
Then COVID hit. My husband, Mike, was working long hours, and then I found myself pregnant with my second shortly after, trying to keep up with a toddler, managing clients, showing up in my marketing, and leading a team.
My 2 under 2 era
It’s only now, with some distance, that I can fully appreciate the intensity of that chapter.
Back then, it felt like every part of my life needed me: my babies, my business, my clients, my team, my marriage. There was no time left for me. Every hour of every day felt spoken for.
I didn’t question it—it was just the reality of that season. But looking back, I don’t know how I juggled it all.
This Season Feels Different
This year, my youngest started school. I stopped breastfeeding my youngest. And it’s as though, for the first time in years, I’ve come up for air.
It’s not just the logistics that have changed; it’s me. My capacity is different. My energy is different. And so am I.
I was talking to a friend recently, trying to put words to this transition, and I realized: this isn’t about finding the old me again. It’s about discovering the version of me that exists now.
What lights me up?
What feels good?
What do I want to lean into without urgency or expectation?
I don’t have all the answers yet, but I’m learning to be okay with that.
Letting Myself Be in the Middle
There’s this concept I read about in my early 20s in In the Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant. She writes about the fertile ground of being in the “middle”—not quite where you were, but not yet where you’re going.
(You can see all of my favorite books and current reads rounded up here)
That’s exactly where I am right now, and it’s been an invitation to loosen my grip. To let go of the need for clarity or forward motion and just allow myself to be.
Earlier this year, I almost slipped into an old pattern. The kids were in school, my schedule opened up, and I thought, “I have the time now. I could add something new. I could do more.”
But I caught myself.
Just because I can doesn’t mean I have to.
Choosing a New Pace
Instead of filling the space, I’ve been asking myself: What if I let this season be about me? Not producing more, not being more profitable, not pouring into others—just me.
That’s been the biggest shift for me: recognizing that I get to choose how I use this time. I get to explore, ask questions, and sit in the stillness without needing to produce or prove anything.
And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that life moves in chapters. Some are full of movement or chaos. Some are slower and more spacious. Each one brings its own lessons, even if we don’t fully understand them until much later.
Right now, I’m in the middle, and that’s exactly where I need to be.
One of the things I’ve been sitting with is how much of our lives we spend trying to get somewhere—trying to figure it out, move forward, or make sense of everything.
But what if we didn’t rush?
What if we trusted that the answers will come in their own time?
You don’t have to have it all figured out.
You don’t have to move faster than you’re ready to.
You’re allowed to just be.
Here’s some moments from the past week or so…
Spotted this for the first time (despite going past it all the time) the day after the election results
“I put my artwork next to your bed mommy so you can see when you wake up.” – Atlas
Been baking up a storm trying to finish off all the apples we got from our apple picking trip
Typical Sunday morning
A dad and his baby girl
Post school park date and dinner. Three moms and our three boys.
Giving Cos all my money. Their coats this season are SO good. This is the one I’m wearing.
Supporting my girlfriend at a pop-up for a new business venture
The view of the Chrysler building across the water after leaving basketball practice with Atlas. Sometimes I have to pinch myself that I live here. So many sliding doors moments.
